I’ve been very distracted the past several weeks.
I appear to have been permanently relocated to the other pen I frequently visited last year, and now that I’m here, I’ve got lots to keep me distracted. Mr. No Claws, who delightedly likes to pretend he’s a tenacious little brute, is still here and clawless. I will never get over that, and I will never stop making fun of him for it. That brain dead dog is still here too, but she’s not as brain dead as before. Maybe it’s the hair cut she got. Makes her look skinnier too, which is a freakin’ miracle.
Yes, I am being mean, and if you thought that changed since the last time I wrote you’re hilariously mistaken. I will say this, I appreciate the dog’s willingness to let me sleep in her bed, because sleeping on that bed is like sleeping on a pile of cables. Don’t think too hard about that simile, I sure didn’t. The dog is conveniently stupid, she doesn’t bother me, we’re getting along, let’s move on.
I also found my little fuzz ball the other day – I lose it every hour, so it’s a fantastic little surprise when I re-find – and I realized something was amiss; Tree Number Two. He used to throw the ball, which I would then run after and bring back to him. It was a charming little game we played, and for the longest time now he’s no where to be seen. I occasionally play this game with Tree One, but it was nice having both of them around. I miss that fellow. Even when I scratched him to the point where he was leaking blood across the floor, he still patted me on the head and played with me.
I think I’m going to try and keep up with these entries more often. There’s much to be pointed out. It mostly revolves around Mr. No Claws, did I mention he has no claws? I can’t believe how lucky I am.
Last week was a pleasant one, as I once again returned to the residence of Mr. No Claws, and that hilariously stupid dog. The week was filled with well-earned battle scars and bragging rights, as No Claws and I scrapped on several occasions. He’s a funny old grump, and I think he’s forgiven me for the time I ripped a large part of his fur out.
Upon my return to the regular pen, I immediately took part in several activities. One of those activities – one of my favourites actually – is watching either Tree One or Two wash dishes. I nestle into the basket next to them, and try to be annoying as possible. Their frustration doesn’t build up to a full blown arm-waving rage attack, like when I chew cables out of their reach, but it’s still fun. Getting a close look at the running water is also fascinating. I hate getting sprayed in the face by that ridiculous spray bottle the Trees use, but it’s really hard for me to avoid any situations that involve running water. I often tease myself, thinking I could run under it at times, but I chicken out at the last second. One day, I will be the master of running water, and perhaps I will even stand up to the spray bottle. Thinking far ahead though, baby steps Eleanor, baby steps.
Time to play fetch now. If the Trees don’t cooperate I’m going to bite them so hard.
My lack of entries recently can be attributed to my latest quest: Discover new ways to infuriate Tree One and Two.
I went through an alarming phase where I was actually being good, foolishly thinking I needed a break from being yelled at. When I realized this was eating my soul, I immediately scoured our pen high and low, looking for anything new to use to my advantage.
In short time, the nest of wires in the one corner became my target. Chew them I did, and hilarity ensued, as Tree One yelled at me and flailed his arms around. The amusement grew to another level when I discovered the cables prevented him from reaching me if I sat far enough into the corner. As I sat there chewing cables and having a good time, I thought about how lucky I was. Seeing the amount of effort these Trees put into keeping me entertained, not to mention alive, is quite astounding. I don’t know where I would be without them.
I appreciate their efforts, and I reward them with cuddles. Any naughty behaviour on my part is forgiven with a few licks on the nose and a snuggle party here and there. Simple mind, simple pleasures.
After playing fetch all afternoon with Tree One and Two, I had to take an extended break on my moon chair. I have a lot of toys, but I think my favourite has to be the occasional sock that gets left on the ground.
When one of these beauties are in my possession, it’s game time. This activity involves me bringing the sock over, dropping it in front of Tree One or Two, and waiting for either of them to throw it. It’s an excellent work out. I often jump over things to make it more exciting, and I’ve gained the ability to soar over pretty much anything now.
Ever since the cone got taken off my head – which was probably the most delightful thing that’s ever happened to me – I’ve noticed I haven’t been as much of a scum bag. Aside from the playful scratch here, and knocking over of something there, I have definitely simmered down. Bizarre. I wonder why this is so, because I still enjoy it when they get mad, but recently I’ve certainly been appreciative of … their company I guess.
I’ve just wanted them to pet me, and play fetch with me. I think I’m still reveling in the fact that I’m no longer bound by that ridiculous contraption on my head. Now I can move freely, play normally, and CLEAN MYSELF. How good it feels to be able to do that again.
I don’t think it’ll be much longer until I get a little bored of that, and return to doing what I do best as a result.
That wretched cone was finally taken off for good this morning.
I can finally clean my self properly and not feel like an atrocious piece of road kill, on top of the fact that I already felt like some quarantined hazard people looked at with suspicious eyes.
I’ve also made my way back to the smaller pen, where Tree Two lives. Seeing him during my stay at the Mr. No Claws’ house was nice, but it’s better knowing he’s around all the time. The urge to destroy and frustrate the two hasn’t hit me yet, but I don’t suppose that means I won’t go back to the old ways. I will. For a short while though, I’m going to be nice and just enjoy their company.
Bleh, it’s going to take some time getting used to the fact that I don’t have that stupid thing on my head. Sorry I’m still on that, maybe that’s why I won’t be bugging the Trees for a while, it’s because of this inner battle occurring within me due to the humiliation I endured for so long. Every time I start thinking about that contraption, I start licking myself frantically, like that will make the thoughts of running into walls and feeling dirty all the time go away.
Going to the V.E.T today wasn’t so bad when I realized what they were doing. The evil folk there decided to at last remove the stinging strings out of my stomach. When they did, I made sure they left the room with battle scars themselves. I went all out by the way, not like I do with Tree One and Two. I split them open good when they got close.
Upon my return here, I discovered a bizarre toy – which I assume is mine because no one else seems to use it – which has this, how should I put this, mesmerizing presence to it. I get one sniff of this thing and I’m in the refrigerator. It’s that good.
The V.E.T. was blessed with my presence yet again. I’m not going to happy for a few days, however I have managed to get it off already, only to have someone put it back on. I look like a fool, but surprisingly I feel … pretty good. Kind of woozy and numb, very relaxed most of the time. I don’t understand it, but it certainly compensates for this ridiculous contraption on my head.
I. Hate. The V.E.T.
But I do love whatever they gave me.
I accidentally ripped a small piece of Mr. No Claws’ hair out yesterday, and I think he’s pretty mad at me as a result. We were playing around as usual, well I was kicking his grumpy hide all over the house is more like it, and then suddenly I realized I had a clump of fur stuck in between my teeth. I let go immediately, ran away and gave the grump some space, told him I was sorry too – sure as hell don’t do that very often – but he’s still quite upset at me, and we haven’t played a lot since.
I’ve had to find a new source of fun, and it involves swatting that stupid dog’s tail around. She doesn’t even notice I’m doing it half the time, and even when she does she’s either too nice to say anything or simply doesn’t care. I find myself sleeping next to her often, but I do it only because her bed is so comfortable, and because she doesn’t shoo me away. I think I can actually get used to her. I still hiss at her when she get’s too close to me, but the tail swatting, the naps next to her, they are charming little moments. She’s unnaturally kind however, and I need conflict if a friendship between us is to exist. My goodness, am I really thinking of befriending a dog? That would be an embarrassment, I can’t let that happen. Me batting her tail around is as far as I’ll let this relationship develop.
Now I must go and stare at an enormous bird that’s sitting outside.
I’ve had a hard time getting a hold of one of these warm machines lately, which I’ve learned are called computers. After hearing the Trees say the word “computer” every time I walked across its buttons, it became quite clear that’s what it was called. Now that we’ve moved back to the large pen, I’ve managed to use Tree One’s computer to once again jot down my thoughts and daily happenings.
These trips to the bigger pen are quite stressful. At first I’m tossed into a bag – which I have become quite good at escaping from – then placed into a bizarre box on wheels that travels incredibly fast, forcing me to lose my balance every few seconds. We finally arrive at our destination after two hours of this hectic, confusing adventure. It was nice seeing the cat with no claws again, he’s pretty fun to hang out with. Stupid dog is still there however. Bleh, I wish she wouldn’t look at me like she wants to be friends. Almost makes me feel sorry for the brute.
Then just when I thought I could settle down, torture Mr. No Claws and climb this magnificent tree that sits in the middle of the pen, I was once again whisked away to my least favourite place in all the world. It’s where I’m prodded, poked, examined in a very white room, only after I watch other helpless animals with the saddest faces I’ve ever seen, go through the same door I eventually go through to endure who knows what. It was the second time this particular trip was made since I was born.
The sharpest little needle managed to get the better of me this time around, despite my complaining and attempts at escape. The one who shoved the needle inside of me tried to do so while smiling, which made no sense because there’s nothing to smile about in these situations. I was really upset, thankfully Tree One who accompanied me – or I guess brought me to the damn place forcefully, I’ll have to bite her hard for that – wrapped me up in a blanket and finally took me home. I couldn’t help but give her kisses, I was just so happy to leave.
This place I’ve gone to twice now needs a name. It’s an evil place. The place of Very Evil Things. The V.E.T. Oh dear, I truly hate that place.
Tree Two got so mad at me the other night that he decided to leave the bed and sleep on the couch. It’s possible he may have had other reasons, but I’m pretty sure it was because I was being a total scumbag that night. Being the cause of several bites and scratches will easily grant you the title of scumbag. I revel in it.
In all seriousness I really don’t mind these two at all, but I can’t help it, and I’ve tried to explain it before. Witnessing these walking Trees, who have the power to turn me into kitty litter, take the abuse I lay upon them is fascinating.
I don’t know what got into me that night. Too much sleep during the day? Perhaps. Nevertheless, I began to disrupt their sleep with a flurry of quick attacks aimed at their feet. After a few pounces here, and a few bites there, things suddenly backfired on me.
A box I knocked off the table ended up stuck on my head. I’ll be honest, I panicked. For what seemed like an eternity, I was walking around with this box – which contains a bunch of pieces of paper the Trees blow their nose into, weird – stuck on my head. Luckily, Tree One realized I was in trouble, and came to my rescue. I wonder if this is something other Trees would do after being pushed to their limits? Or have I established some form of special bond with them, granting me protection from all harm? Well of course I have, what a silly question. I am adorable.
Tree One and Two each go under a stream of water on a regular basis, and it confuses me greatly because whenever I get sprayed with water it’s usually because I’m being punished. Are they punishing themselves during these scenarios? I often watch from a safe distance when they step under the water, but it still confuses me when it happens. Personally I would never do such a thing, the water they squirt in my face is enough – I like water, but I have my limits – so I make sure to give them their space during these instances, and avoid biting them for a while until I think they’ve completed their bizarre ritual for the day. If they’re cleaning themselves, why don’t they just lick the parts they need clean? That’s what I do and it works just fine. In fact, I lick them from time to time to show them how it’s done but they haven’t caught on yet.
I’ve been biting Tree One more frequently – Tree Two doesn’t seem to care as much when I bite him so I don’t bother sometimes – while knocking things off of the table, and just being a nuisance at all times. The urge to frustrate the two still rages on inside of me. I hope they understand that despite my efforts to anger them, I appreciate the food they provide me, alongside the pen in which I currently reside in. I simply can’t help causing trouble, their reactions are worth it. They are obviously so much more powerful than I am, and watching them express their feelings through a pathetic spray bottle and an occasional finger wag is hilarious.
Ahhh moon chair, how I’ve missed you. Come to me.