I appear to have been permanently relocated to the other pen I frequently visited last year, and now that I’m here, I’ve got lots to keep me distracted. Mr. No Claws, who delightedly likes to pretend he’s a tenacious little brute, is still here and clawless. I will never get over that, and I will never stop making fun of him for it. That brain dead dog is still here too, but she’s not as brain dead as before. Maybe it’s the hair cut she got. Makes her look skinnier too, which is a freakin’ miracle.
Yes, I am being mean, and if you thought that changed since the last time I wrote you’re hilariously mistaken. I will say this, I appreciate the dog’s willingness to let me sleep in her bed, because sleeping on that bed is like sleeping on a pile of cables. Don’t think too hard about that simile, I sure didn’t. The dog is conveniently stupid, she doesn’t bother me, we’re getting along, let’s move on.
I also found my little fuzz ball the other day – I lose it every hour, so it’s a fantastic little surprise when I re-find – and I realized something was amiss; Tree Number Two. He used to throw the ball, which I would then run after and bring back to him. It was a charming little game we played, and for the longest time now he’s no where to be seen. I occasionally play this game with Tree One, but it was nice having both of them around. I miss that fellow. Even when I scratched him to the point where he was leaking blood across the floor, he still patted me on the head and played with me.
I think I’m going to try and keep up with these entries more often. There’s much to be pointed out. It mostly revolves around Mr. No Claws, did I mention he has no claws? I can’t believe how lucky I am.
I may have gone too far, and scratched Tree One across the eye.
I may also feel bad about it.
It was a complete accident, and even if it wasn’t it’s not my fault. I think she’s forgiven me though, because she’s back to patting me on the head and loving me even when I bite cables and scratch walls.
It seems to be a pattern now. My workout. Eat, sleep, wake up, be cuddly, then to finish the day off I scratch walls and bite cables.
I love it. The Trees have for the most part accepted this routine, but they occasionally show their distaste for my actions with the spray bottle. If the spray bottle isn’t available they turn to arm waving and yelling, which is hilarious to watch by the way so I welcome these situations with open arms.
I do realize I go too far sometimes, proven by the scar currently under Tree One’s eye.
But then we just move on from little incidents like that because I’m adorable and nothing can actually stop me.
So the Trees have started to put a limit on how much I eat now. How infuriating.
No longer can I just go to my bowl and expect to see food 95 per cent of the time. No, they had to take that away, and now I eat in the morning, later in the afternoon, and late at night. I’m having none of this.
I just don’t understand why this had to happen. Is this because of the bites and scratches I inflict on the Trees? Turning my food into clockwork seems like an extreme countermeasure. It’s actually making me even more upset, and I’m sure they will soon realize they’re plan will not stop me from being crazy. I’ve pulled wires out of the wall, destroyed a section of the carpet, today I scratched Tree One sooo badly, and it’s not going to stop. Nope. It won’t. IT WON’T!
Scheduled meals are completely unnecessary! Even Tree Two, who I thought would be the one ignoring my scheduled eating nonsense, is following this STUPID timetable. Yesterday he was about to fill my bowl with food, and upon Tree One’s last second announcement declaring she had fed me an hour ago, he put the damn bag away and said, “sorry Ellie.” SORRY ELLIE?! You disappoint me Tree Two.
No, don’t be sorry, just feed me. Better yet, just have the bowl full at all times like you did before. What was wrong with that? There’s no way I would ever let myself go and become a monstrous fat wrecking ball. That would be interesting though; could I cause more destruction if I was bigger? Would it be harder for Tree One and Two to contain me? I need more food in my tummy to find out.
Last week was a pleasant one, as I once again returned to the residence of Mr. No Claws, and that hilariously stupid dog. The week was filled with well-earned battle scars and bragging rights, as No Claws and I scrapped on several occasions. He’s a funny old grump, and I think he’s forgiven me for the time I ripped a large part of his fur out.
Upon my return to the regular pen, I immediately took part in several activities. One of those activities – one of my favourites actually – is watching either Tree One or Two wash dishes. I nestle into the basket next to them, and try to be annoying as possible. Their frustration doesn’t build up to a full blown arm-waving rage attack, like when I chew cables out of their reach, but it’s still fun. Getting a close look at the running water is also fascinating. I hate getting sprayed in the face by that ridiculous spray bottle the Trees use, but it’s really hard for me to avoid any situations that involve running water. I often tease myself, thinking I could run under it at times, but I chicken out at the last second. One day, I will be the master of running water, and perhaps I will even stand up to the spray bottle. Thinking far ahead though, baby steps Eleanor, baby steps.
Time to play fetch now. If the Trees don’t cooperate I’m going to bite them so hard.
After several weeks, Tree One and Two have brought back the spray bottle, and I’m terrified of it.
As you can see in the picture above, taken right before I was sprayed with water, I get very nervous around the weapon. It is strange however, because the damn thing hardly phased me in the past. I figured the Trees simply gave up on the spray bottle after I stood up to the little gizmo time and time again. Water would hit me in the face, but I would stand strong and continue my malicious activities. Now they have brought it back, and my recent streak of scummy behaviour has resulted in several unsuspecting sprays to the face. This time however, I can’t stand it.
I just need to hear the bottle being shaken, and I run away like a coward. This is quite a pathetic weakness of mine, and certainly hinders my plans at causing a lot of trouble, especially around the nest of cables (see previous entry).
I must rely on stealth attacks, know when the bottle isn’t around. Dart in and out, quick bites, and then disappear into the darkness. It may take a while for me to once again brave the spray bottle. Until then, I must go about being naughty in a more elegant way.
My lack of entries recently can be attributed to my latest quest: Discover new ways to infuriate Tree One and Two.
I went through an alarming phase where I was actually being good, foolishly thinking I needed a break from being yelled at. When I realized this was eating my soul, I immediately scoured our pen high and low, looking for anything new to use to my advantage.
In short time, the nest of wires in the one corner became my target. Chew them I did, and hilarity ensued, as Tree One yelled at me and flailed his arms around. The amusement grew to another level when I discovered the cables prevented him from reaching me if I sat far enough into the corner. As I sat there chewing cables and having a good time, I thought about how lucky I was. Seeing the amount of effort these Trees put into keeping me entertained, not to mention alive, is quite astounding. I don’t know where I would be without them.
I appreciate their efforts, and I reward them with cuddles. Any naughty behaviour on my part is forgiven with a few licks on the nose and a snuggle party here and there. Simple mind, simple pleasures.
After playing fetch all afternoon with Tree One and Two, I had to take an extended break on my moon chair. I have a lot of toys, but I think my favourite has to be the occasional sock that gets left on the ground.
When one of these beauties are in my possession, it’s game time. This activity involves me bringing the sock over, dropping it in front of Tree One or Two, and waiting for either of them to throw it. It’s an excellent work out. I often jump over things to make it more exciting, and I’ve gained the ability to soar over pretty much anything now.
Ever since the cone got taken off my head – which was probably the most delightful thing that’s ever happened to me – I’ve noticed I haven’t been as much of a scum bag. Aside from the playful scratch here, and knocking over of something there, I have definitely simmered down. Bizarre. I wonder why this is so, because I still enjoy it when they get mad, but recently I’ve certainly been appreciative of … their company I guess.
I’ve just wanted them to pet me, and play fetch with me. I think I’m still reveling in the fact that I’m no longer bound by that ridiculous contraption on my head. Now I can move freely, play normally, and CLEAN MYSELF. How good it feels to be able to do that again.
I don’t think it’ll be much longer until I get a little bored of that, and return to doing what I do best as a result.
That wretched cone was finally taken off for good this morning.
I can finally clean my self properly and not feel like an atrocious piece of road kill, on top of the fact that I already felt like some quarantined hazard people looked at with suspicious eyes.
I’ve also made my way back to the smaller pen, where Tree Two lives. Seeing him during my stay at the Mr. No Claws’ house was nice, but it’s better knowing he’s around all the time. The urge to destroy and frustrate the two hasn’t hit me yet, but I don’t suppose that means I won’t go back to the old ways. I will. For a short while though, I’m going to be nice and just enjoy their company.
Bleh, it’s going to take some time getting used to the fact that I don’t have that stupid thing on my head. Sorry I’m still on that, maybe that’s why I won’t be bugging the Trees for a while, it’s because of this inner battle occurring within me due to the humiliation I endured for so long. Every time I start thinking about that contraption, I start licking myself frantically, like that will make the thoughts of running into walls and feeling dirty all the time go away.
Going to the V.E.T today wasn’t so bad when I realized what they were doing. The evil folk there decided to at last remove the stinging strings out of my stomach. When they did, I made sure they left the room with battle scars themselves. I went all out by the way, not like I do with Tree One and Two. I split them open good when they got close.
Upon my return here, I discovered a bizarre toy – which I assume is mine because no one else seems to use it – which has this, how should I put this, mesmerizing presence to it. I get one sniff of this thing and I’m in the refrigerator. It’s that good.
The V.E.T. was blessed with my presence yet again. I’m not going to happy for a few days, however I have managed to get it off already, only to have someone put it back on. I look like a fool, but surprisingly I feel … pretty good. Kind of woozy and numb, very relaxed most of the time. I don’t understand it, but it certainly compensates for this ridiculous contraption on my head.