When I came home today, I discovered my cat started to write a series of journal entries on my laptop during my absence, and because I’m a jerk – and I’d like to get back at her for scratching me a butt-load of times – I have posted them on my blog for everyone to see. Here is the first of many I hope.
Eleanor’s Entry # 1, December 2
Now that I’ve grown, I’m happy to say I’ve gained the ability to keep track of my complex existence on this warm machine the two two-legged creatures with the pink complexions – I will call them Tree One and Tree Two because I love climbing them – use so frequently. The two seem nice enough, and I enjoy their company, but I will get to them later.
My name is Eleanor. It is the one thing I have accepted in my life. I am a few months old now, and it’s been a fascinating journey so far to say the least. I reside in a large playpen, embellished with countless hiding spots and objects to crawl under. It’s much larger than the area I remember being born in. I’m always craving a good climb, scratch on the head, or trip inside the refrigerator.
At times, I am forcibly removed and transported to an even larger pen somewhere else. During these instances I am very confused and disoriented, but upon arrival, I revel in the opportunity to bulldoze over a cat who lives there. This cat is bigger than me, but strangely has no claws at all! What a stroke of luck. The only gripe I have about that place is the large dog inhabiting a significant portion of the pen. There’s something about her, I just don’t like. She pretends to be nice, but I don’t buy it. She knows to stay away from me.
However, a majority of my time is spent in the pen I’m in right now. I shall call it My Pen. As I mentioned before, Tree One and Two are my friends. They are a peculiar bunch, and will be a central focus of my first entry here today. When they’re not outside, they go about their daily lives talking to each other, eating, watching things on a machine similar to the one I’m using right now, and at times they argue. I think they do anyway, they raise their voice and seem upset. I often sit calmly somewhere and watch in confusion during these situations, but they resolve themselves, and are regularly accompanied by a strange embrace and a kiss. That’s what they call it when I lick their faces, and this lip touching sequence they partake in appears to be very similar, so a kiss is what I’ll call it. They seem to be happy, and I hope this doesn’t change. I enjoy watching them be content.
I haven’t been around many of these Trees before, but these ones are highly amusing and love to pet me. They try to tell me not to do certain things which I completely understand, however there is something about their reactions to my disobedience I can’t get enough of. They become highly agitated when they realize something appears to be out of their control, and I have become addicted to being the cause of their occasional frustration. It’s something I will continue to do as long as I can. I must admit though, I sincerely take pleasure in their company and love being picked up off the ground. When I feel like being picked up of course. If they misread the situation, I bite them.
I have a long day ahead of me, so I should get some rest before the Trees come home. I hope they clean my water because I dropped a lot of my food in it. If they don’t, I will try and throw up on the ground while they sleep. They don’t seem to like waking up in the middle of the night.
Until next time warm machine. Until next time.