I appear to have been permanently relocated to the other pen I frequently visited last year, and now that I’m here, I’ve got lots to keep me distracted. Mr. No Claws, who delightedly likes to pretend he’s a tenacious little brute, is still here and clawless. I will never get over that, and I will never stop making fun of him for it. That brain dead dog is still here too, but she’s not as brain dead as before. Maybe it’s the hair cut she got. Makes her look skinnier too, which is a freakin’ miracle.
Yes, I am being mean, and if you thought that changed since the last time I wrote you’re hilariously mistaken. I will say this, I appreciate the dog’s willingness to let me sleep in her bed, because sleeping on that bed is like sleeping on a pile of cables. Don’t think too hard about that simile, I sure didn’t. The dog is conveniently stupid, she doesn’t bother me, we’re getting along, let’s move on.
I also found my little fuzz ball the other day – I lose it every hour, so it’s a fantastic little surprise when I re-find – and I realized something was amiss; Tree Number Two. He used to throw the ball, which I would then run after and bring back to him. It was a charming little game we played, and for the longest time now he’s no where to be seen. I occasionally play this game with Tree One, but it was nice having both of them around. I miss that fellow. Even when I scratched him to the point where he was leaking blood across the floor, he still patted me on the head and played with me.
I think I’m going to try and keep up with these entries more often. There’s much to be pointed out. It mostly revolves around Mr. No Claws, did I mention he has no claws? I can’t believe how lucky I am.
Tree Two and I have been hanging out a lot more these past few days. Not sure where Tree One disappeared to, but I’m not worried, I’m sure she’ll be back shortly.
I make Tree Two play fetch with me pretty much all the time, and he doesn’t mind it when I don’t deliver the toy all the way to him. Well, he might not like it, but who cares about that. We play and it’s fun, that’s what matters.
I’m still reeling from the scheduled meals that are a part of my life now. I’ve tried to get around that by chasing the trees and biting them hard in the leg every time they leave the kitchen without feeding me. It definitely gets their attention, but rarely provides positive results. I’ll make them see the error in their ways, but hey, I’m not starving. That does count for a lot, so I can’t be too upset.
Tree Two takes these surprise attacks unusually well, and he’s actually been ready for them a lot recently. I have to increase the pain levels, or come up with a new idea altogether.
Not only have I been gazing out the open window more frequently – gosh it’s so nice out now – but on recent trips to my home away from home, I avoided being placed in a box, and instead forced Tree One to carry me out. I felt the wind through my hair and everything. It was exhilarating.
The outside world is such a strange place. For the first time ever, I didn’t have the guts to misbehave, scratch and bite. I was actually a little scared. I’m sure Tree One noticed from the claws I was digging into her shoulder as she carried me out of our pen. The smells, the noises, it was a rush of multiple sensations that tugged at my curiosity. Perhaps one day I will be brave enough to leap out of the Tree’s grasp and explore the outside world, until then however, I will continue to enjoy the luxuries I have now. As strange as it may be at times, the bond I have with Tree One and Two is something I’m glad I can exploit, and I would have a hard time leaving them even if I could. They still put up with my scummy behaviour, which is no-less hysterical to this day with their arm-waving and occasional screaming.
They still give me food, and despite their preposterous feeding methods, they keep me alive, and cuddle me when I feel like it. Sometimes they don’t get it when I want to be left alone, in which case I bite them extremely hard. Sometimes I feel like their just testing my patience because they happily frustrate me with loud noises or annoying pats on the head until I lunge at them. I really like these Trees.
These brief moments of exposure over the past several days have really opened my eyes however. I know I am still young, but I’ve already seen so much, and I look forward to learning more. I hope Tree One and Two go on more adventures and take me with them. I would even consider behaving while being outside, because it feels like the outside world is really big, and I wouldn’t want to get lost or abandoned.
I may have gone too far, and scratched Tree One across the eye.
I may also feel bad about it.
It was a complete accident, and even if it wasn’t it’s not my fault. I think she’s forgiven me though, because she’s back to patting me on the head and loving me even when I bite cables and scratch walls.
It seems to be a pattern now. My workout. Eat, sleep, wake up, be cuddly, then to finish the day off I scratch walls and bite cables.
I love it. The Trees have for the most part accepted this routine, but they occasionally show their distaste for my actions with the spray bottle. If the spray bottle isn’t available they turn to arm waving and yelling, which is hilarious to watch by the way so I welcome these situations with open arms.
I do realize I go too far sometimes, proven by the scar currently under Tree One’s eye.
But then we just move on from little incidents like that because I’m adorable and nothing can actually stop me.
The battle to stay alive continues ever since scheduled meals entered my life.
Okay I’m obviously not doing that poorly, if anything I’ve slowly grown accustomed to it, even developed a strategy to ration each meal accordingly. Nevertheless, this bizarre move on the Trees’ part has had me go crazy many times over the past week. The Trees could easily prove this by showing the scars on their body.
I mentioned the strategy I now have when it comes to eating my food – how sad is that – and it mainly involves me eating the larger chunks of dry food first, the ones the Trees mix in with the regular stuff. There’s usually only four or five pieces of the big ones, but they’re a good start. Then I hold off on any food consumption for a solid few hours. I then eat a few nibbles every 30 minutes or so until it’s gone. If the trees don’t put more food into my bowl shortly after it runs out, I start biting and scratching things.
In happier news, I’ve successfully explored every inch of our pen. The last unexplored area, which eluded me all these months, was conquered after I climbed up their clothing in the small storage space it resided in. Once I reached the top, I was untouchable . Tree One even tried to spray me with the bottle, demanding me to come down. The water hardly touched me. I was parked perfectly at the top on a mountain of clothing. It was fascinating.
So the Trees have started to put a limit on how much I eat now. How infuriating.
No longer can I just go to my bowl and expect to see food 95 per cent of the time. No, they had to take that away, and now I eat in the morning, later in the afternoon, and late at night. I’m having none of this.
I just don’t understand why this had to happen. Is this because of the bites and scratches I inflict on the Trees? Turning my food into clockwork seems like an extreme countermeasure. It’s actually making me even more upset, and I’m sure they will soon realize they’re plan will not stop me from being crazy. I’ve pulled wires out of the wall, destroyed a section of the carpet, today I scratched Tree One sooo badly, and it’s not going to stop. Nope. It won’t. IT WON’T!
Scheduled meals are completely unnecessary! Even Tree Two, who I thought would be the one ignoring my scheduled eating nonsense, is following this STUPID timetable. Yesterday he was about to fill my bowl with food, and upon Tree One’s last second announcement declaring she had fed me an hour ago, he put the damn bag away and said, “sorry Ellie.” SORRY ELLIE?! You disappoint me Tree Two.
No, don’t be sorry, just feed me. Better yet, just have the bowl full at all times like you did before. What was wrong with that? There’s no way I would ever let myself go and become a monstrous fat wrecking ball. That would be interesting though; could I cause more destruction if I was bigger? Would it be harder for Tree One and Two to contain me? I need more food in my tummy to find out.
Last week was a pleasant one, as I once again returned to the residence of Mr. No Claws, and that hilariously stupid dog. The week was filled with well-earned battle scars and bragging rights, as No Claws and I scrapped on several occasions. He’s a funny old grump, and I think he’s forgiven me for the time I ripped a large part of his fur out.
Upon my return to the regular pen, I immediately took part in several activities. One of those activities – one of my favourites actually – is watching either Tree One or Two wash dishes. I nestle into the basket next to them, and try to be annoying as possible. Their frustration doesn’t build up to a full blown arm-waving rage attack, like when I chew cables out of their reach, but it’s still fun. Getting a close look at the running water is also fascinating. I hate getting sprayed in the face by that ridiculous spray bottle the Trees use, but it’s really hard for me to avoid any situations that involve running water. I often tease myself, thinking I could run under it at times, but I chicken out at the last second. One day, I will be the master of running water, and perhaps I will even stand up to the spray bottle. Thinking far ahead though, baby steps Eleanor, baby steps.
Time to play fetch now. If the Trees don’t cooperate I’m going to bite them so hard.
After several weeks, Tree One and Two have brought back the spray bottle, and I’m terrified of it.
As you can see in the picture above, taken right before I was sprayed with water, I get very nervous around the weapon. It is strange however, because the damn thing hardly phased me in the past. I figured the Trees simply gave up on the spray bottle after I stood up to the little gizmo time and time again. Water would hit me in the face, but I would stand strong and continue my malicious activities. Now they have brought it back, and my recent streak of scummy behaviour has resulted in several unsuspecting sprays to the face. This time however, I can’t stand it.
I just need to hear the bottle being shaken, and I run away like a coward. This is quite a pathetic weakness of mine, and certainly hinders my plans at causing a lot of trouble, especially around the nest of cables (see previous entry).
I must rely on stealth attacks, know when the bottle isn’t around. Dart in and out, quick bites, and then disappear into the darkness. It may take a while for me to once again brave the spray bottle. Until then, I must go about being naughty in a more elegant way.
My lack of entries recently can be attributed to my latest quest: Discover new ways to infuriate Tree One and Two.
I went through an alarming phase where I was actually being good, foolishly thinking I needed a break from being yelled at. When I realized this was eating my soul, I immediately scoured our pen high and low, looking for anything new to use to my advantage.
In short time, the nest of wires in the one corner became my target. Chew them I did, and hilarity ensued, as Tree One yelled at me and flailed his arms around. The amusement grew to another level when I discovered the cables prevented him from reaching me if I sat far enough into the corner. As I sat there chewing cables and having a good time, I thought about how lucky I was. Seeing the amount of effort these Trees put into keeping me entertained, not to mention alive, is quite astounding. I don’t know where I would be without them.
I appreciate their efforts, and I reward them with cuddles. Any naughty behaviour on my part is forgiven with a few licks on the nose and a snuggle party here and there. Simple mind, simple pleasures.